Confessions of Last Night with Maya & Leah: Glowing Bottles, NWA, & Straight Hustlin’

Once again last night was brilliant! Here is a brief timeline of what happened (in third person of course, because I feel that it adds drama to the story):

3:00pm Leah calls Maya to find out if their gratis shipment of TY-KU has arrived at the club for the 11-midnight open bar. Maya tells her that she has no idea because she is still on her couch watching Tina Fey do another brutally dead on impersonation of Sarah “I’m in Over My Head” Palin. Maya realizes she should probably start getting ready for the party.

4:00pm On the way to the club Maya picks up her fourth cup of coffee. Wonders if she is addicted. Says “screw it” and adds a double shot of espresso in for good measure.

5:00pm Maya informs Leah that indeed the TY-KU has arrived. Maya finds out there is a button on the bottom of the bottles causing it glow. This makes Maya say, “Ohhhh glowy.”

6:15pm Maya puts sandwich board outside with the words “You’ll be seeing Double, Thinking your Single.” For Confessions Happy. This is not Maya’s slogan, it is Leah’s. She has stolen it from under Leah. Maya’s evil laugh bubbles to the surface.

8:00pm Suave French Manu arrives with his crew (among them Soho House DJ Life, and the gorgeous Swedish Sanna). They pull up a table and watch “Rick James: Live” on the video monitors. Manu is pleased with the ambiance.

8:30pm Confessions party kicks into high gear. Andy arrives with his Milk Studios possy. He begins to check out the hot girls in the room. Andy looks to Maya for help with said hot girls. Maya reminds Andy that he is Australian and should work his accent.

Accent = Panties hitting the floor. Like Colt 45, it works every time.

9:15pm Southern Manny arrives with his crew, begins to call Maya “Sugerdove” and “Sweet Thing.” Maya shakes him off, Manny tries again, “Darling…you look good enough to eat!”  Maya then purses her lips and crosses her arms. *Manny knows when to stop.  (*Don’t get it twisted. Manny gets more ass then a toilet seat at the Lillith Fair.)

10:00pm Leah arrives with a slice of pizza for Maya. Maya was famished. Maya show Leah how TY-KU bottle glow. Leah shows her excitement by slapping Maya on the arm. Maya bruises easily, realizes she should let Leah in on that fact soon.

10:15pm Mr. Randy Watson (aka Jared the DJ arrives) drops “Apache” by The Sugar Hill gang forcing Maya to drop like its hot for Manu’s crew. Thunderous applause ensues.

11:00pm Already Legendary Promoters Keegan & James arrive. Keegan has been taking to rocking a blanket as a jacket. Maya is floored with the trend CATCHES ON. Two other men came in that night with blankets on as jackets. Maya thought she was floored when men started rockin’ man-bags (aka the canvas tots at “murses”).  Men + Purse = Ice cubes coming out of Maya’s vajaja. Tonight Keegan and James brings in several beautiful men from Australian and New Zealand causing Maya to purr like Eartha Kitt, “Well helllooooo boys.” She brings them to meet Andy hoping they will all say “Good’ay” to each other. They don’t. Maya is sad.

11:01pm Maya’s sadness is quickly remedied when Mr.Randy Watson plays “Straight out of Compton” by NWA, causing a near riot on the dance floor. Keegan, James and crew are now shirtless working it out. Maya is sandwiched between Andy and Sanna. Maya realized she is an assh*ole because Leah is behind the bar by herself. Runs back to help rescue Leah.

11:05pm Leah’s crew comes out in force taking over the whole front of the bar. Maya realizes Leah really IS the mayor of the Lower East Side. Leah’s charm, talent, and beauty cause a group of men to stare at Leah with starry eyes. Maya is perturbed. Leah pours Maya a chilled shot of tequila. Maya also becomes starry eyed with Leah.

11:06pm Open Bar has begun. It is madness. Everyone in the bar goes wild for the TY-KU and the bottles. “Ohhh glowy” is repeated ad nausem through the rest of open bar.

11:45pm Beth begins to Paparrazi the crowd. Some of the crowd don’t want their picture taken. Beth asks Maya “Why is that?” Maya informs Beth that some of these people are probably cheating on their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband and don’t want it posted to blog. Beth’s goes to take twice as many photos.

12:00am Midnight Mandatory Shots are poured and drank at rapid fair secession. Maya almost gets knocked on her ass as everyone was in booty shaking fevor. Arms arms are flying and Maya is getting grinded upon needlessly. Maya runs back into the arms of Leah, who pours Maya another shot to calm her down.

1:00pm Some of Maya’s crew from S.O.B’s arrives. Ahmira, Maya, and Monica catch each other up on each other’s love life. In the middle of story telling, Maya gets asked out by one of the bar customers. Maya asks when said costumer was born. Customer says, 1986. Maya howls with laughter informing him she has bras older than that.  Ahmira informs Maya it’s time to go bra shopping. Maya agrees.

2:15pm Maya and Leah can’t believe party is still rolling. Leah makes executive decision to “shut it down” for the evening. Maya’s feet are killing her, and whole heartily agrees.

3:15pm Maya comes home, happy, a little buzzed and pleased that now she has all of her rent money. Because even in a bad economy, people still want to dance and drink.

See you all next Monday.

Confessions of Last Night w/ Maya & Leah: “The Real World” + Pro-Skater Dance+ Coffee Patron= Truly Outrageous.

To quote “Jem & The Holograms” last nights Confession Party was “Truly outrageous, truly, truly, truly outrageous.”

To sum up (because I’m hung over, I will use equations to explain last night) Wall to wall lovely lasses + Dudes trying to get together with said lovely lasses= Leah & I cracking up behind the bar while drinking coffee patron.

IF you haven’t partaken of this exquisite elixir- coffee patron, please, please run out and get a bottle. My new idea of paradise is chilled coffee patron + being sandwiched between Jason Statham and David Beckam (or another David I know, you know who you are DP you sexy beast.) + Barcelona= HEAVENLY DELICIOUS!!!!

The cast of the Real World were also there complete with full film crew. Ah “Reality” Television.

Of course what was better were Keegan & James adding their own special slice of flavor to the party. They are becoming a cult unto themselves and the cast of the Real World couldn’t get enough of them. Once again K&J were flanked by pro-skaters and a rather large entourage of sexy ladies (girls, when are ya’ll going to learn, skaters ain’t making out with you! They are only down for bromance, not romance!)

The booths became make out sessions for some at 310 Lounges with its candle lit setting, the free flowing ginger vodka, and Prince and Apollonia locking lips on the flat screens in the backroom. Jared (aka Mr. Randy Watson) once again brought a GREAT dance party.

Good f*cking times. See you all next Monday!

Iced Coffee Time. Beso- Maya Contreras

Confessions of Last Night: “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em”, and “Sexting.”

(photos by Elizabeth Houston)

Last night was a BLAST.

Thanks to all of you who came to the first night of Confessions with Maya & Leah Party at 310 Bowery last night.

The open bar was a smash hit (of course) as was the DJ (thank you Jared you BROUGHT the dance party) and with the booze a flowin we all got onto important topics such as MC Hammer’s copious amount of music video footage (seriously, his videos ran longer than the RICK JAMES LIVE and PURPLE RAIN videos combined that we ran last night) and “Sexting.”

Sexting: (verb) def. the act of having sex through texting.

I’m not really understanding the mass ’sexting’ that is sweeping NYC lately. There are a veritable tapestry of sexual innuendos wallpapering the inbox of my Blackberry (see i just said ‘inbox’. Now one of my suitors would probably turn what i just said into “oh is in it in your box?”)

I understand when a relationship is long distance (e.g. New York-LA) but not what New Yorkers consider long distance (e.g. Lower East Side-Bronx). Most everyone (boys and girls) last night agreed that ’sexting’ should be foreplay with the promise of sex within a few hours, but not a new version of the 1990’s 900 numbers. We all agreed we should keep sex where we can see it- in the bedroom (or at the very least a clean public bathroom). It’s just lazzzzzzy…..

If you disagree just call me at 1-900-get-fuct.

See you all next Monday! Same fabulous drink specials, same sassy-a-frass hosts.

xo-Maya Contreras

P.S.

If you have time I would appreciate if you would vote for me for “best nightlife blog” for the Village Voice Reader’s Poll 2008.

so here is the link:
http://polls.villagevoice.com/polls/bestof2008/

(unfortunately you have to fill out at least 25 “best of’s” and nightlife is the very last category…boo.)

and if you could just cut and paste this link in:
http://www.pmbuzz.com/nycnightlife

love M

Confessions with Maya & Leah: Drink Specials, Playlists, & general Monday Mayham

(sometimes…murals turn me on. by tats cru.)

Leah and I are gearing up for this weekly Monday party (staring this Monday Sept. 15) at 310 Bowery and we wanted to give you all a list of the drink specials so you know what bang you’re getting for your hard earned buck. You’ll see the place right away because it has this big glowing red sign that says LOUNGE on the outside.

Free Admission

Happy Hour 4-9pm
$4.00 wells, wine, & beer
$3 Milwaukee’s Best aka “The Beast” all night
Open Vodka Bar
11pm-Midnight
Free Mandatory Shots at Midnight

The playlist is pretty sick too. On the decks: Mr. Randy Watson & Bobby Analog (aka the Irishman from Derry). Both with more soul then a pair Dr. Scholl’s lifts in James Browns loafers (rip).

Some examples below:

JJFad “Supersonic”

Sir Mix-A-Lot “Posse on Broadway”

Black Sheep “The Choice is Yours”

Wu-Tang “C.R.E.A.M.”

Biz Markie “Just a Friend”

Eric B. and Rakim – “Paid in Full”

NaS – “It Ain’t Hard to Tell”

2Pac –”Me Against the World”

The Notorious B.I.G. – “Sky’s The Limit”

Souls of Mischief – “‘93 til Infinity”

Wu-Tang Clan – “Da Mystery of Chessboxin’”

Common – “I Used to Love H.E.R.”

Pete Rock & CL Smooth – “T.R.O.Y.”

Ice Cube –”It was a Good Day”

Travellin’ Man – “DJ Honda & Mos Def”

Stevie Wonder “Always”

The System “Don’t Disturb This Groove”

Guy “Let’s Chill”

The Art of Noise “Moments In Love”

The Isley Brothers “Between The Sheets “

Earth Wind & Fire “Reasons”

Marvin Gaye “Distant Lover “

Prince “Adore”

Rick James (f. Teena Marie) “Fire & Desire”

Chaka Khan “Through The Fire”

Email me at mtc1000@gmail.com if you need more info. have questions or want to send me a funny youtube clip… I love the funny.

Beso- Maya Contreras

Monday Nights with Maya & Leah starting September 15th

Leah and I have had many whimsical adventures this summer.

Everything from the MILK photography studios BBQ to watching MGMT play a lovely rain swept concert at McCarren pool in Brooklyn to discussing build-a-bear & over sized hot-tubs with Gossip Girls‘ Chace Crawford over corona beers in his living room until six in the morning. (Not mention the virtual beat down, and badass detective work Leah and I delivered when my Blackberry was stolen- then recovered. I want to give shouts out to the 7th precinct police. Not only are you’ll sassy, but dang ya’ll come out in force!)

For us, it was a summer of daily afternoon iced latte breaks from marathon sessions of painting (Leah) and writing (me), late night dance parties fueled by shots of chilled tequila with great friends like Lauren, Andrew, Beth, Ray-Ray, Lacaus The Greek (yeah, I think I am going to add ‘The Greek’ to his name), and Keegan ‘the I’m tiding up‘ Australian. Mechanical Pony rides with endless quarters at Max Fish with Paul (if he wasn’t 21 I would…oh who am I kidding, I totally going ‘cougar’ on that one. Just kidding Paul, don’t be scared) while Shannon observed and shook his head with bemusement as Leah shouted “put another quarter in!!!” and once again I would ride the mechanical pony for all to see.

As summer comes to a close, Leah and I wanted to keep the party going into the Fall and Winter with our Monday nights at Mannahatta LOUNGE at 310 Bowery Street, every Monday Night starting September 15. The playlist will be a night of sexy Old & New Skool R&B, Old Skool Hip-Hop, and Soul. In addition to hosting the party Leah and I will be bartending, serving up our signature drinks such as ‘The Sin-Sin’ and ‘Redemption’. There will of course be drink specials, and mandatory midnight shots.

Good times.

The culmination of this party will occur Valentines Day February 14 with the release of The Him Book (written by yours truly). The art instillation that evening will feature the very talented Australian photographer Andrew Boyle http://andrewboylephotography.com

More info to follow…

For now, we will see you all on Mondays.

xo- Maya Contreras